As I passed through the finish chute in the photo above, I was wondering where Travis would be in the crowd of spectators, assuming he had finished before me, since he left me in his dust at the start line. I found him after he crossed the finish line with later runners. He said he saw me charge past him at the bottom of the first uphill turn and never saw me again.
My Mom went with us and had the camera, and the job of snapping a shot of us crossing the finish line. She was slow, and this is what she got, just my feet. I was disappointed, but soon realized that was the most important part. I can say with certainty that at least half of me finished that race. My poor feet were tired. They did the most work. My lungs had been trained to regulate my breathing, but my legs were not prepared for the hillwork. I felt like stopping so many times, but couldn't let myself down. I needed to finish that run. I needed to exorcise a few ghosts of races past. The voice of that coach from primary school spoke to me across four decades.
Sometimes now I feel like stopping in the middle of this "Run for My Life" I am embroiled in at the moment, with doctors and hospitals. I catch myself saying things like, "I'm stopping right here...I've had enough of this. No more surgeries regardless of the result." I find myself thinking the doctors just can't fix this. But, then my friend Diane tells me, "You are in the middle of the lake Vicky. If you get out of the boat now, you will drown. You've got to cross to the other side, because you've reached the point of no return." And, my Mom calls and informs me that believing the doctors can fix the damage is having faith in God because God can use a physician as well as he can anything else. If a neurologist can change the course of my health, it is because God is working through Him.
Wow! That's encouragement! Then, every email in my inbox from the local bike club, talking about the century rides, the post ride gettogethers, and the local club rides; they wrap cords around my soul and drag me unmercifully to the next doctor's appointment. They unconscously render me unable to give up. Disappointment is not always a negative thing you see?! Disappointment is the fuel that keeps you going, that lights the spark in your faith. If you have no faith, maybe you are satisfied with the way things are right now. If you do believe, perhaps it is because disappointment pushed you off the cliff, made you take that leap of faith. Hebrews 11:29 It is with faith that God's people pass through trials, like through an ocean on dry ground.