I don't always understand why things happen like they do. I've been majorly disappointed in the way things have gone with all the surgeries. But, there is always the peace in the midst of the storm that keeps me. My family has suffered major financial losses throughout all these surgeries. But, we're still here. People react differently to the situations we are dealing with, in all the different ways my disability affects other people. I have learned that I can not always change how other people see me in this situation. But, I can change how I feel about how they see me. I've acquired this remarkably freeing sense of "so what?!" I believe that no matter what happens, I have a right to live. I refuse to let anyone control how I feel. They can like me, or hate me. None of this changes how I feel.
I see several examples of this in the Bible. The man who was let down through the ceiling to Jesus for healing didn't let the crowd stop him. The lady with an issue of blood pushed through the crowd without fear of how others saw her. There are other examples. But, I believe God has a purpose for our struggles. None of this is beyond reason. Don't ask me to name reasons for my pain, suffering, losses, and rejections. All that I have to name is Jesus. Jesus can reach down in the middle of my situation and pull me out. When He does, everyone is going to see His miraculous ability and love for me and my family. Everyone is going to see the Healer at work. So, hide and watch.
For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring
down high looks. For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten
my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I
leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD
is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God
save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with
strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and
setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of
steel is broken by mine arms. Thou hast also given me the shield of thy
salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me
great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.
When God gives me the feet of a deer, I will be running again. You can bet on it!