Lance had the right idea. Life is definitely a climb, a struggle, and a race. Sometimes we surprise ourselves more with what we will attempt than what we accomplish.
I think the best thing about running for me, is the fact that it allows me to control so many of the details of my life that can so easily seem out of control. When I run, great things happen. I become who I really want to be... not just who I happened to be. I feel the heat, despite the warm breeze. I breathe the world around me. I feel the edge of the razor sharp knife in my lungs, but that can't stop me, because it's all a lie... I can run despite the knife. Nothing can stop me but myself, my own will to run. When it is gone, I'm done.
Cycling is different. Cycling is not about controlling myself. Cycling is about letting go. There is no knife. There are no lungs. There are only two legs and a heart... beating, pumping, spinning, living, being free. I never really know I am tired until I climb down off my bike. Then I can easily collapse. To ride just comes as natural as to breathe. Until you begin the big climb.
That was when I biked and ran. Now, I have begun the big climb. I am not running 5K's right now. And, I am not riding Metric Centuries on my bike in this chapter of my life. I've had to turn the page, and hope I will get back to this part of the plot at a later time. For the past two years, my climb has involved medical supplies, drugs, implants, and surgeries. My climb is a struggle to surmount a different pain... to become who I want to be, and not just who my doctors have made me. I was created with a spirit and given a body to live inside. I struggled to make room for my spirit inside my body when I biked and ran. Now, I struggle to free my spirit from this body that wants to hold it back.
Before my doctor accidentally knicked internal organs and damaged nerves in my hysterectomy, my struggle was for my spirit to prevail over my body. Now, it seems that I struggle for my spirit to prevail over my body. Then, I ran despite the pain. Now, I struggle because of the pain.
I don't want to just be "the woman who can't walk right." I want to be the me that I meant to be, before someone messed up. I want to BE... purposfully, not accidentally. And, it doesn't even matter who messed up. I want to be Vicky, even if I have to climb this mountain first. That way, even if I never reach the top, where I wanted to be, it will be enough for me to climb the mountain. Vicky wouldn't sit at the bottom and say I can't climb the mountain, because I can't get where I wanted to be. Vicky would climb the mountain even if she fell off half way up and it killed her. That will be my victory, to climb this mountain of life, to reach the point where my spirit can run free, on a walker, if I can't climb it on a bike.