Later experiences with my first husband, who was physically abusive, and held approximately 30 jobs in the six years we were together, but was unemployed for over 20 of those months, taught me I couldn’t trust him either. In a book called Daddy Loves His Girls, T. D. Jakes says that a child often projects his or her experience with their earthly father on the Heavenly Father. If they had a domineering dad, they see God as domineering, and so on. I can see where this can happen for most people. But, in my case, I had rejected my father as an image of a father. I had rejected my step-dad’s treatment of me as a father’s treatment. I instead chose God as my Father, the only father I had really ever had. I can’t explain how this came to be. But, I saw clearly that He loved me, and wanted me, and that he was believable.
Fortunately, during the intervening years, I had the opportunity to meet and know a number of wonderful fathers. I watched them with their children, and learned that I had just happened to have my early life filled with some prime examples of the few that are not trust-worthy. I remember one of the earlier such experiences was in driving down the road in my early divorced years, and noticing a little girl sitting in the middle of the seat of a pickup truck. She was sitting right up next to her father, I presumed. It was such a surprising picture that I cried. Her Daddy loved her and she loved him. It was such a shocking, unfamiliar image in my experience. She loved and trusted this man, I could see that clearly.
It was the fact of the love of my Father, God that taught me that I didn’t have to accept less than good treatment from the men in my life. I realized that many women in my situation often accept bad treatment, because that is all they ever knew. My situation was different, though. Because I could see that I could trust Jesus, and my step-dad didn’t give me this type of fatherly love, I left my hometown at the age of 17, just after I graduated from High School, on a Greyhound bus. It was because I knew from my 12 years as a Christian that God had not treated me like my husband did, that I left my husband at the age of 26, despite the fact that I didn’t “believe in” divorce. I wasn’t going to accept that type of treatment. I knew I didn’t have to accept it. Despite the fact that I had met him at church, he did not treat me in a way that was very “godly.”
I never wanted to be one of those women who thought they couldn’t trust any man, simply because they had met a few bad examples. I was very fortunate to have experienced the love of God in my life. I remember protesting to my pastor once that I did not believe that women should just have to accept what society hands them. I had been handed a raw deal, and didn’t have to accept it. Despite these early and prolonged problems with a few men, God led me to a man who is trust-worthy. I met my husband almost three years ago, and learned that I could believe him. If he said he would do something, it was as good as done. He is an honest man. I have no problems trusting him, even though I know him, and his faults well, (and he knows my faults too.) But then, I have every reason to believe him. He has shown himself believable. He is so much like my son, Travis, (who still lives at home with us) despite the difference in height, and a few other differences. Travis is a person of integrity. I like that. I taught him to be that way. I taught him to hold doors open for others, and to be courteous. I believe that both of my sons learned that well, one way or another. I always taught them to treat me well. I was always concerned about how they grew up feeling that they needed to treat women and children.
I chose the online handle “Reason2BelieveHim” in 2002, and associated it with a yahoo email account first. Before that I had been using “childofonegod,” and the email was overran with spam, so I dumped it. From there, I have moved to the point today where I have built a website, blog, and app with the title, as well as using it on various online message boards and social media. I like the title, because it makes it possible to describe my relationship with this "Him" God I refer to euphemistically as a pronoun. My goal is simple...I want to share my reasons for believing in this one I share my life and being with. So, my websites and my writing are about relationship and trust.
I learned years ago that love and trust mean more than roses from a man. In the past, I had a box of collected love letters and pressed roses from old boyfriends. I finally threw them away in the year 2000, simply because I wanted to move on. I wanted to move away from a box of dead, faded promises, and move on to a life with someone who kept his word. I didn’t meet this man until 2009 (oops changed date :) I knew that when I found him, I wouldn’t want to have all those broken promises lying around. I wanted to be able to have open arms to love him, without carrying all that past around in my heart. It was a smart thing to do. I believe that loving Him taught me how to love him.